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Sunday, July 17, 2016

Can We Really Have It All?



We Can All "Have It All"
So do you believe women can have it all? Can anyone? Isn't there an opportunity cost to everything? Do some people "have it all", or is it just the opportunity cost playing a lesser role in their priorities. I don't really think anybody "has it all". I think everything is a matter of perspective, and subject to your value system.  

We are raised within this capitalistic, media driven perception that we want to be rich, famous, beautiful, have "things, be "someone" etc. Aren't we already someone? In our own little world's, aren't  we are all of those roles to someone? We are wealthier than someone, idealized by someone, have a "better" job than someone, everything is a perception we either value and hold onto tightly, or we don't and we develop an attitude of complaining that, I've seen, last a lifetime. What's real? Shouldn't we seek the blessings in our circumstances instead of the opposite? Have you ever heard the quote by Mahatma Ghandi, " the best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others?" That is the amazing gift that comes with being a food allergy mom! 

We live in a world surrounded by negative attitudes. AND, they're usually not ours. We're pitied for our sacrifices, our needs are often ignored, our families face contestant scrutiny and then there's the blame game. I've said in past posts that "we focus on what makes us similar, instead of others' who focus on what makes us different." I mean that. We innately grow a genuine gratitude when things work out, never taking special moments of safety and security for granted like so many others do. We are not to be pitied. We have seen a unique light that navigates our paths, forming us like a mold into perfectly matched parents to our kids in need of our special attention. That's called "counting our blessings". 

Have you ever noticed some people, even ourselves, behaving differently around others than we do around our own families? It's like we give the best version of ourselves to strangers than to loved ones. Loved ones pay that price. We get the tired, cranky version of "loved ones", while the rest of the world sees the charming, generous side. Having it all, being a perceived figure comes at such an irreparable cost to those around us. So, what's more important? Strangers thinking highly of us, or loved ones feeling appreciated and loved? Looking back on my personal parenting journey, that's where I'm my most proud of my choices. I've made my share of mistakes, but I've loved every moment of being a mother. I love how kids see the best in us all, and are innately hopeful, un-invaded by life's let-down's, and, therefore, optomistic. For me, experiencing that beauty IS "having it all."

Sometimes rushing to work or focusing on yourself so much- causes the kids to see the worst versions of you. Especially, if you're not happy at work! When you work to survive-- instead of working to live. There's such a difference. The kids get the cranky side and the world sees the amazing side. Most people learn the compartmentalizations needed to carry all aspects of adulthood: career-parenting-social life- religion. The past 4 decades have been about "women having it all", meaning having kids and a career. As empowering as some of these movies and movements are, there's always a price to pay in any life choice. Thankfully, we have the choice, and that's an amazing triumph since, really, WW2, the women's suffrage act, etc. 
Although the same gender-- us women aren't the same, as the media would have everyone think through social propaganda, and other underlying messages throughout copy across the print, online, news verbiage and inuendos. 

I think of my sophomore year in college and my economics teacher saying "there's no such thing as a free lunch". There isn't. Nothing in life comes without a price. 

Does having it all mean missing momentous moments? Being judged by other moms who think you're not placing your role as "mother" high enough. What are we supposed to do when we've put ourselves through college, have enormous student loan debts, and we have a child? That's when you fall into the "existing" phase, instead of the "living" way of life. One carries the freedom to be who you are. The others makes you a slave to salaries that you may very much dislike the work to attain. 

This is usually defined by socio-economic classes, but the world is quickly changing with internet based businesses. Imagine sizeable paychecks and the freedom to watch your kids grow, have the ability to travel, and really "have it all!" There are so many opportunities out there-- I find it difficult to empathize with people who struggle just because it's their mentality to always find the negative, victim- like end of every argument. Reassess your life and "choose only to find the gratitude." Learn to view life with gratitude and your whole perspective will change. I promise.

We can't be judged or labeled a certain way our whole lives. Some people have a mild disposition and are sometimes thought to be these great people, but they do nothing when others are in need. Others are hot- headed and quickly labeled, but would do anything for a stranger!  I think it's with complete ignorance to judge and categorize a person based on a certain time of knowing them. I believe, like Lepidoptera (butterflies). We're metaphorically like them. Eggs, who grow into a caterpillar, then wrap ourselves up during the chrysalis phase while we develop our real passions, syregbths=wings. Then, we fly!!! We can no longer be thought of as an egg or caterpillar, or a quiet, still mold of a silken, mummy like phase. Beyond this, I believe we "metaphorically" go through this process a few different times in our lives-depending on our life experiences. Life is so sweet and beautiful when you look past our own obstacles. We must learn to see through the struggles so we don't miss the precious moments in our own lives."Having it all" is a state of mind. We are all capable of attaining what that means to us all.